skip to main |
skip to sidebar
As a pastor I often find myself thinking I will be the one who will "minister to" or "bless" others and sometimes the tables get turned. I had one of those moments today when I thought I was going to bless someone and in return I was the one blessed and ministered to.
This past Sunday a dear woman at our church came up to me after the service and asked if I would come to visit her husband who is suffering from Alzheimer's and celebrate communion with them
We set a time for Monday morning and I grabbed the portable communion set and drove over to the nursing home and spent some time with them. When I first arrived he was lucid so we celebrated communion together right away to take advantage of the moments we had with him. After we were done she asked if I would walk with them to his room because she had something she wanted to show me.
She shared about how she was praying for her husband the she said, "The Lord spoke to me and told me to get a ball for him. All I could think of was a basketball but at the grocery store I saw a bin of large balls and there was nice blue one that would match his room. So I bought it." She then proceeded to sit across from her husband and they bounce the ball back and forth her eyes lighting up as they did it. After they finished she set the ball down and told me that she hasn't shown that to anyone except the nurses.
We talked for awhile and then she grabbed a picture from the dresser and showed it to me. It was of them celebrating their 40th anniversary on a Norwegian cruise. I marveled at how different he looked. The man in the picture was vibrant and had a sparkle in his eyes. You could tell that he was enjoying the moment with his wife. This same man was now sitting in a chair with a blank look on his face and didn't even know we were in the room with him. After she set the picture down this is what she said to me.
"Pastor Todd, last week was our 48th anniversary and I was sitting in my living room crying because we weren't able to celebrate it together. Then the Lord spoke to me and said, 'You have had 48 wonderful years together. 48! Remember the good times and the memories you have had.' I started thinking about the adventures we have had; four cruises in Norway, trips to Branson and other trips. We have had so many wonderful times and 48 wonderful years. I realized I needed to stop crying and start rejoicing. So I did and I said to myself, 'This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it."
I have found myself in and out of some personal pity parties over the past few weeks because of a difficult situation I have been going through and today I realized God was saying to me, "Todd, I didn't have her ask you to visit so you could bless them but so that you would realize that you need to rejoice because this is the day I have made."
It's amazing how we can so often think we are going to give something to someone else when God turns it upside down and we realize we are the ones receiving.
Thank you my dear sister and brother for being the ones to minister to me.
"Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! It is like the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron, running down on the collar of his robes! It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion! For there the Lord has commanded the blessing, life forevermore." Psalm 133
Today is day that I wish I could fast forward through and arrive at tomorrow morning. It is a day I wish I didn't have to be in the office and could just hide somewhere. Today is the day that our elder board will stand before the congregation and ask them to vote for my dismissal. Yes, you read that correctly. They are asking for me to be terminated as a pastor at our church.
I have known this day is coming for a little over a month and I am still having a hard time wrapping my brain around it. I didn't do anything immoral or unbiblical. There was no affair or addiction. It is simply because I don't have the administrative skill set and leadership style they feel is needed. I struggle with this and believe they are making a mistake. I could go into the reasons why I feel that way but it would not be appropriate so I won't.
So here is the deal. I believe they are making a wrong decision and me and my family will suffer because of this decision yet...I still love these men and am willing to stand next to them in ministry until my final day here arrives. Why is this?
You see, unity doesn't mean we always agree, it means that we will love each other well and stay committed to each other even in the midst of that disagreement. We will seek restoration when we feel we were wronged and we will not allow Satan to get his grimy hands on this precious bride of Christ, the Church, and drive wedges of discord and anger between us.
My biggest prayer for this meeting tonight is that even though there will be disagreement, and there will be plenty, there will be love and commitment and above all else, unity.
"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of god in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:12-14
What an awesome passage written by the Apostle Paul. It is such a great reminder for every person who is a child of God no matter how long they have been following Him. I think is a passage that every believer should read every single day to remind them of one important fact. NOBODY HAS ARRIVED YET!
I am trying to remind myself of this daily. Why? Because I am going through a difficult time in which I feel that some people very close to me have wronged me. I find myself talking to myself while I am driving around town or outside working saying things like, "I would never do what they are doing!" or "They are going to have to answer to God on this one someday and I hope he nails them!" Things they have said to me have cut me deeply and even caused me to doubt myself. I feel like they are spinning things to try to keep everything in control and I am being asked to be quiet and take it for the sake of unity. So......I must stop and remind myself that I have not arrived where Christ wants me to be nor have they. So even if some of what I feel is true I must love them well even if I disagree with them and I must remember that they have not arrived where Christ wants them.
Imagine what could happen in a church if everybody had that same mindset. What a powerful witness that would be. A church that is ever mindful that they are in a process called sanctification. A process that is continual and will never be complete until Christ calls us to be with him. A process in which we stumble and bumble our way trying to honor God knowing that we will fail and fall yet knowing that there is grace with each other to keep at it.
So here are the words I give to myself and I hope whoever reads this will do likewise: "I am not yet perfect but I am striving to experience the power that raised Christ from the dead in my own life so I will become more like him every single day. Oh, by the way, the others around me are doing the same to cut 'em some slack."
Shalom
I know this is not uncommon but I have a fascination with lighthouses. It started when I was living in North Carolina in the late 90's and my wife and I visited the Outer Banks for our 2nd anniversary. We traveled to see the lighthouses on Ocracoke Island, Cape Hatteras, and Bodie Island. My favorite was Cape Hatteras simply because we got to climb to the top of it.
For the past seven years we have been living on the shore of Lake Michigan in Northeast Wisconsin and lighthouses are a part of our culture here as well. We recently visited Eagle Rock lighthouse in Door County and I insisted to my wife that we pay a silly amount of money to take a tour of the lighthouse and the living quarters that the Captain and his family lived in until the 1930's. It was AWESOME! Also, in our town there is lighthouse and I have spent time at the base of it fishing for salmon in the spring and fall.
No matter which lighthouse I visited or fished by I
was enamored with the importance of the lighthouse and it's attendants.
Lives depended up their faithfulness and dependability. If they failed to keep their promise to keep the beacon lit people would die.
Recently I heard a song by "The Rend Collective Experiment" called My Lighthouse. Here are some of the words.
In my wrestling and in my doubts.
In my failures You won't walk out.
Your great love will see me through.
You are the peace in my troubled sea
My lighthouse, shining in the darkness,
I will follow you.
My lighthouse, I will trust the promise,
You will carry me safe to shore.
This past Sunday we sang this song at church again and as I led I found my self singing these words with a new understanding. You see, three weeks ago I found out my time at the church I have been worship pastor of for the past seven years is coming to an end. Needless to say, my world is rocking. My family and I had planned on staying here for many, many more years but God has other plans.
The decision seemingly came out of the blue but as I look back in hindsight, there were markers along the way that were pointing to this. I think I just chose to ignore them or honestly missed them. Nothing bad or immoral happened, it was simply the fact that the rest of the leadership team was going in one direction and I couldn't go with them.
In this decision I found myself asking questions like, "What could I have done differently?" "What could they have done differently?" "Could there be a middle ground?" If I honestly answer these questions I would have to say, nothing, nothing and no. Other questions raced through my mind and words like failure, parked themselves in my brain. I have to fight to get them out of there. I began to realize that it is simply the fact that God is doing something different in me then He is in them and He is calling me to a different place. I can accept that but it still hurts. This is my home, it is my family's home. I don't want to go!
Today is the first day in three weeks in which I began to loosen my grip and let go. I found myself sitting at my desk and crying tears of sadness because I was letting go of something I dearly loved. I haven't felt this way in almost 28 years when I grieved the death of my grandfather who I was incredibly close to. It hurts but I am reminded by the words of My Lighthouse, "...You will carry me safe to shore."
I need to keep my eyes focused on Jesus no matter how much the storm seems to be raging. I will keep my eyes on Jesus.
There are times in life when God asks us to "Let it go." Sometimes it's easy to listen because you really want to let it go like when you pick up a hot pan without pot holders. Other times it's much more difficult because what you're holding is so good.
My family is being asked to let go of something that has been wonderful for us. God is asking us to let go of our home and ministry for the last seven years and to trust him to lead us to a new place. A place where He wants us and (not trying to sound arrogant) a place where He needs us.
I told my wife the other day that I believe God is saying, "Todd you did what I brought you here to do now I am bringing you to a different place because I have created you and gifted you to be the person I need for this job." So what is this new thing? I have no stinking idea!!!!!! I only know that God is saying trust me and I am going to trust Him.
Almost everyday my wife and I have been talking about what we are studying in our personal worship times and almost everyday for one or both of us it is about letting go, trusting God when you don't know what's next, or just plain clinging to Him. We aren't searching for this stuff to make us feel better it's simple the timing of the Bible study we're involved in or the passage that is next on our Year through the Bible reading.
It not easy, it is VERY emotional but I am going to do my best to enjoy the process of finding out. As a pastor I have so often counseled people to just trust God because he is a good God who loves you and has your best in mind. Now it is time to practice what I preach (pun intended).
I was reminded of Matthew 7:7-11
7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
God I am letting go, I am asking, and I am trusting You.
